Recovery...as this drunk sees it #8

The alcoholic has ask for help,

successfully completed a short treatment stay,

has learned about the disease of alcoholism,

identified old behaviors,

has developed a program to live by,

and is now finds himself alone, left to his own devices

It is quite unfortunate that very few alcoholics who enter treatment are fortunate enough to
attend an extended care facility.

The longer in treatment, the better the chances are for the alcoholic/addict to begin a recovery
program that will last.

An analogy that can used to demonstrate this situation is the alcoholic, with barely enough
knowledge to be dangerous, finds himself alone, adrift in the sea of life.
At this point the question is what does the alcoholic have to hold on to keep him afloat.
Did the rehab give him any swimming lessons?
Did the rehab give him a stick or twig to hold on to?
If the alcoholic was listening, he may have been given a raft or a dinghy to sit upon.
The ultimate goal of course is for everyone to have a luxury yacht, capable of sailing the oceans of life
in comfort and with the knowledge that the ship can weather even the strongest of emotional storms,
without the need to fall back on the use of alcohol and drugs to drown their feelings. Recovered or
cured alcoholics will tell you that it took many scary moments and much time until their ship could
find the haven of safe docking in a snug harbor.

It must also be remembered that alcoholism is a fatal disease and many are lost at sea
without ever having learned that there was hope of recovery.

Many are able to see a faith glimmer of hope from the lighthouse, but the noise of the storm,
(the mental compulsion of the disease that clouds the thinking), prevents them from hearing
the bell of the safety buoy, and the height of the waves, (the physical obsession of the disease
that produces a craving that cannot be denied), prevents them from seeing the life line
that has been thrown in front of them.

Hopefully they will not have died in vain and that their story may help others who may seek help.

Weathering the emotional storms of life is what normal, sane people do and it is the goal of
every addicted person to learn how to emotionally grow to the point where life can be lived
on life’s terms, or more importantly, learning to live life on God's terms (Acceptance),
just like normal people do.

Life is a two person vessel that is sailed with a soul mate.

The disease of alcoholism wants the alcoholic to be alone, isolate, push away anyone
who loves them and to kill themselves.

Many an alcoholic identifies with the feeling of loneliness, having been in a crowded bar, a crowded reception and feeling that they were totally alone and unwanted. The alcoholic rarely feels the love
of others and cannot show true love towards others. I will love you only if you bring me another drink,
or if you stop complaining about my drinking.

Loneliness does not know love.

Left alone, the alcoholic will die.

However, before an alcoholic can find a soul mate the alcoholic must first learn to love themselves.
In the rooms of AA the credo is that the recovered will love the alcoholic, until they learn to love
themselves. Self esteem has been ruined by drinking and drugging and recovery begins with the
return of self esteem. The paradox is that the ego must be smashed before self can be identified.
It takes much introspective soul searching and a great amount of validation from another individual
before an alcoholic can determine if he is coming or going in the direction of sanity.
The moral compass of the alcoholic has been lost, abused and misused and to restore the compass
to working order often requires additional professional guidance or therapy.

To continue the analogy, the drunk has been adrift on the sea of life, going in small circles,
with a compass that is defective, with no safe port in sight and the only probable destinations are jails, institutions or death
.

Teacher, preacher, priest, therapist, sponsor, medicine man or any other person must be attached
at the hip if the alcoholic wants to survive early recovery. There is a daily need to validate the
alcoholics program of abstinence and emotional growth. The alcoholic must maintain a constant
vigil to assure that old habits and behaviors are not revisited.

In AA the term “stinking thinking” is used to refer to those selfish, self centered, egotistical
and arrogant thoughts that once supported the alcoholic’s justifications for drinking alcoholically.
When the stinking thinking returns, the alcoholic/addict is usually the last to know.

Remember, drinking alcoholically is not how often a person drank or how much a person consumed;
it is the act of a person drinking enough to change their emotional and moral behaviors. If one drink
made her want to dance on the table top and to takeoff all of her clothes, she was drinking alcoholically.
If it took two drinks to turn Dr, Jekyll into Mr. Hyde, and he only drank during a full moon, he was
drinking alcoholically. The notion that an alcoholic refers only to the person who lives under the bridge
and drinks cheap wine from a paper bag covered bottle is a total misperception. From Yale to jail,
from penthouse to outhouse, alcoholics will show up everywhere as a part of the estimated ten percent
of the worlds population that are predisposed to alcoholism and addiction.

As uncomfortable as it is, the alcoholic must learn to express feelings in a sane manner. Sharing these
feelings with another human being validates the alcoholic’s right to have feelings and that it is healthy
for them to have them expressed. Feelings that are stuffed inside, pent up, and not expressed will give
cause for the alcoholic to relapse.

If the individual thinks every day, they need to go to a meeting every day
.
A some point the program of recovery is no longer about drinking and drugging, it becomes a program
for living. Drinking and drugging are but symptoms of the disease. The cause or the result of the disease
is an emotional breakdown and/or a moral travisty that can be cured.

People who recover from addictive emotional behaviors consider themselves miracles and miracles
must be witnessed to be validated.

It takes two to tango.

When the addict/alcoholic is restored to sanity, and they have learned to love themselves,
their soul mate will appear. It may be a spouse or a former relationship that will bloom anew
in the realm of a sane world, or there may be a need to move on and find a new "healthy" person
who knows the love and happiness of sharing a miracle.

A healthy relationship requires two healthy people.

Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

Michael_E

Recovery...as this drunk sees it #7

The recovering and the cured need a program.

There are many suggested programs of recovery

and the best are the ones that all cover all of the

changes needed to have the alcoholic/addict start

a new life style that promotes complete abstinence.

During this phase of recovery the addict/alcoholic

 must be honest and diligent to cover all the physical,

emotional and spiritual components of becoming a

positive person.

Secrets kept because of the guilt and shame that would

be caused should the truth be known will make the

drunk drink again and will make the addict use again.

The first requirement of a program for a recovered life is to establish goals.

Goals need to be simple and attainable. The first suggestion is to not take one drink, one day at a time.

The next suggestion is to start writing. A written list of goals is necessary to help the addict alcoholic
establish a program of living that is substance free. The list must be extensive and include as much
detail as is possible. Items on the list must include the new daily routine the recovering person must
follow as well as future items. The future items may include items that may become an integral part
of the recovered persons daily life or may just be a once in a lifetime objective. An example of a
once in a lifetime objective is to dance sober at the wedding of someone near and dear to the
recovered person. Daily routine objectives and goals include eating real food on a regular basis,
exercising, sleeping when appropriate, talking to family and friends, using the thousand pound
telephone when necessary to ask for guidance, attending scheduled therapy sessions, attending
self help group meetings, reading to learn and for relaxation, and setting aside time for prayer and
meditation.
The reason they are in writing is multi faceted.
First is the daily morning review to set the day off in the right direction.
Next is to have in writing a list that can be shared with another person to enhance truthful realism
and accountability of the intended actions of the recovering person, and reestablish trust
with the person they are reviewing the list with.
Spouses and children need to know of the goals list and should not be excluded from seeing the list.
The obvious exception to showing the list to a spouse or partner  would be if the other person is
still actively drinking or drugging and the goals list includes leaving that person for a safer environment. Written list are also useful as a reward for the recovered person when at the end of the day they can
check off of the list those goals that have been reached.
The goals list should also be inclusive of every hour of the day.
Idle time for a drunk is a time for the drunk to drink.

Most normal people do not become bored.

Normal people have an ability to amuse themselves during any given moment. The drunk and the
addict cannot amuse themselves by introspection because they are not happy with themselves. Guilt
and shame, fear and anger, confuse their thinking and make it painful to think, let alone to even exist.

Boredom is almost exclusive to the addictive personality.

They do not like whom they are, they wish they were someone else, they do not like where they are,
and they wish they would be someplace else. They cannot face the reality of being happy with who
they are and where they are. The drunk and the addict use the word bored to seek instant gratification,
avoid reality and hide their feelings with drugs and alcohol. They will do anything to take the focus off
their feelings, and usually find someone else to blame for their problem. A good drunken argument or
a fight is always a good answer to boredom.

Leaving town on a spree or in a blackout is a good way to hide from reality. A daily routine that is
rewarding is the best start for a cure for boredom and the beginning of the rebuilding of the drunks self esteem. Many times the guilt and shame and the other negative feelings harbored by the drunk cannot
be erased during a brief stay in a treatment center. The ongoing changes needed to cure the drunk may
take the remainder of the drunk’s life to achieve. The happiest cured drunks, with 30 plus years of
sobriety,still work a daily program and attend AA meetings on a regular basis. The cured alcoholic
knows that boredom and complacency are contradictive to sobriety and a happy, joyous and free life.
To the cured alcoholic those negative feelings and false sense of security mean that it is time to go to a meeting and find another alcoholic to help.

There should be flexibility in the daily routine and there should be no incriminations for goals not
achieved, as long as there was an attempt to make progress. The proper positive attitude looks
at failure as nothing but a challenge to find a better way. Failure to reach a goal is for the
alcoholic/addict with a negative attitude an excuse to drink or drug.

The alcoholic does not need an excuse to drink. The alcoholic drinks because he has to.

Excuses are just stories which are fabricated to veil the real problem of the alcoholic. 
The addiction, the compulsion, and the obsession to drink are removed from the alcoholic when
they begin their program of recovery and stick to it for a period of time. Every person is different
and the time span varies for everyone to achieve the relief of the addictive thoughts. Drunken dreams,
or nightmares, are common in early sobriety. When these events occur it is necessary for the alcoholic
to discuss them with their therapist or sponsor immediately.

The most important thing to note is that change for a recovering alcoholic is not a once and done
event. Change is a daily requirement and is a process that must be monitored closely.
A good program of recovery requires a constant daily review (an AA 10th step) to prevent a
possible relapse by the alcoholic. A change in attitude and routine may also be required of the
 family to support the program of the recovering alcoholic. If the communications among family
members is not capable of fostering healthy changes, counseling for the entire family is strongly recommended. 

Good habits support good sobriety.

Michael_e