Recovery...as this drunk sees it #11

It now has been a few years without a drink or drug but the work is still not complete.

To recap the progress made to date;

a problem was recognized,

a conscious effort was made to seek help,

and one day at a time

there has been no drinking or drugging. 

A program was developed in therapy and/or borrowed from AA or some other treatment program to change the old habits into a new lifestyle that does not include drinking or drugging.

The program also teaches responsibility and accountability and the alcoholic/addict returns to being a productive member of the family and the community.

Grandiosity has been replaced by humility and the drunk understands that a power greater than himself was responsible for the drunk finding recovery.

Those who chose the twelve step program of AA have successfully completed all of the steps; some may have done so more than once.

With the first four stages of the recovery model completed we are now ready to explore the remaining two steps, the late recovery stage and the maintenance stage.

The late recovery stage is a time for developing awareness of and overcoming obstacles to healthy living that developed in early childhood, long before the first drink or drug was ever taken. My readings, my trainings and my first hand experience have lead me to believe that the brain of the addict alcoholic is not normal. Many of the brain receptors in the alcoholic brain are reversed, what else would explain why a person would ingest poison and claim to enjoy it.

There are a few abnormal characteristics, that when they appear in children, tend to indicate that the individual is predisposed to addiction/alcoholism.

            1). Demonstrative mood swings that are not related to the environmental  stimulus’s. At the
                              birthday party they are sad and depressed, while at Granddad’s funeral they are
                              laughing, joking, loud and obnoxious
            2). Addictive personalities have tempertantrums; demonstrate rage and uncontrolled anger
                              even when they get what they want.
            3). The child appears to be unaware of consequences. They do irrational things  without fear 

                             of reprisal.          

            4). The child is self centered and shows no empathy for others needs

                        or feelings. They demand complete control and do not play well

                        with others. They must always be the leader and the games are

                        played by their rules. When they are losing, the game is over.

            5). Children with addictive personalities tend to consume or want to

                        consume large quantities of sugar.

            6). Children with addictive personality disorders tend to lie for no

                        apparent reason.

            7). The child has no fear or their fears are exaggerated phobias caused

                         by no apparent or logical reason. Trying to educate them to see

                         the unreasonableness of their behaviors is nearly impossible.

                         They may eventually grow out of this stage of their life, or they

                         become better at hiding unnatural behaviors.

            8). Obsessive/compulsive behaviors are evident early in the child’s

                        development. Good, bad or indifferent, the child repeats certain

                         actions or activities over and over, with no apparent reason to do so.

            9). The addictive/alcoholic personality is predisposed to misconceptions and misperceptions.

                        They hear want they want to hear and they believe what they thought they heard     

The latter characteristic is the one that is usually the last hurdle to be recognized
and changed by the alcoholic.

Recovery for the addictive personality is closely related to the ability to deal with and dispense of childhood misperceptions and misconceptions. The misperceptions of childhood, many of which are lying deep in the subliminal depths of the brain, are often suppressed by fear and anxiety. There is often emotional pain involved with recall of emotional childhood memories. Many addictive personalities are advised to seek professional help before they just dive into the emotional cesspool of the addictive mind.

The fun in dys”fun”ctional was put there by the drunk.

Whether the family was functional or dysfunctional is sometimes clouded by the misperceptions of the addictive/ alcoholic mind, the alcoholic mind that tends to reverse circumstances to suit their own agenda.

It is always easy for the alcoholic to blame someone else for their emotional shortcomings.

Justifiable anger, extreme guilt and shame, blaming self for marital difficulties of the parents, feeling
guilt about the death of family, friends or pets, misunderstanding of sexual roles, are but a few of the childhood misconceptions harbored in the subconscious of the addictive brain.

During the drinking career these subliminal, misunderstood feelings, were a reason to drink.
Left unresolved or put into proper context these feelings may drive the alcoholic to drink again, even after many years of abstinence.           

The analogy that may help one to understand how this works is to compare a inappropriate feeling (guilt, shame anger, fear) to a wound on the skin of ones arm.

Eventually a scab will form on the wound to signifying that healing has begun.
The alcoholic can not leave well enough alone, they must constantly pick at the scab.
This constant picking causes the pain and bleeding to continue, forever and forever.
This analogy works for events and feelings that are obvious to everyone, even the alcoholic.
To continue the analogy, the deep seated emotional pains in the deepest, subliminal part of the mind are compared to a cancer that eats away at the soul.
There is no visible wound, there is no scab; there is only invisible deep rooted pain and suffering.

The inner child, the soul searching, the healing of the ego and the id are very, very complicated.
The complication is in the warped mind of the affected.

The myriad of questions to be asked include;

             Did it or did it not happen?

            Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

            Am I minimizing the account of this event?

            Is that what they truly meant?

            Is that what I really wanted?

            Could anything have been done differently?

            Did they or I know any better?

            Who was under the influence of what when this occurred?

           

The questions go on and on but the answers are rarely complete or to be proved. The proverbial
onion is peeled away exposing the inner core of the soul. The only recourse is to continue to ask
the questions, re-live the incidents and resolve to put closure on the feelings that disrupt the serenity
and the mental well being of the affected.

The real answer always becomes: it was God’s will for us and we must be stronger for having survived.

To dwell in the cesspool of negative feelings, guilt, blame and shame is a choice, just as it is a

conscious decision to live in the present and enjoy a life that is happy, joyous and free. 
A life that is guaranteed to the recovering individual who turns their will and their life over to
the Higher Power of their understanding.

A loving God who protects us all.

Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

Michael_e