Recovery...as this drunk sees it #12

Normally an introduction outlines the

objective of a series and then the articles

proceed to elaborate on the more

significant points that are to be made.

 However, since most drunks do not listen,

can not listen, do not know how to listen,

the last article in this series will provide a

recap of the previous articles and

re-emphasize, stress, and highlight the

more important suggestions on how to

educate a drunk.

Alcoholism and addiction are a disease

that has a negative social stigma attached to

them, therefore, very little money is spent

in research to find a cause or cure for the disease, nor is social program/insurance money

spent to provide treatment for the affected.

Treatment is restricted to the very rich or those who are fortunate enough to have insurance coverage.

 Treatment covered by insurance is usually limited to 28 days or less, barely enough time to detoxify the drunk, and definitely not enough time to change the behaviors to a level where long term sobriety can be expected.

Currently the most optimistic of statistics indicate that roughly 25% of patients treated at the most prestigious recovery centers will stay drink free and sober for one year.

The pessimist in Alcoholics Anonymous, those who have been around for some time, will estimate that of all alcoholics who seek recovery by any method, only 5 to 15% will achieve long term sobriety.

It is estimated that 10% of the world’s population is affected by the disease of addictive thinking. The
disease not only includes alcoholism but also drug addiction, (street as well as prescribed), anorexia,
bulimia, obesity, sex, gambling, work, spending, or any obsessive-compulsive behavior that impairs
the physical and/or mental health of those affected.

In the United States, where treatment is available, it is estimated that 10% of that 10% will be subjected to treatment at least once in their lifetime. The remaining 90% are left free to roam about in society, to fill the jails, fill the hospitals ,overflow the institutions, live under the bridge, live in the streets, and become  a well know name and address to the local police.

Incarceration is not a form of treatment.

Very, very,  few county or state correctional institutions provide treatment for addictive thinking.

They, the elected officials, the administration, the employers, the for profit insurance companies rarely care, they do not understand, nor do they want to understand and above all, the budget cannot be justified to warrant the expenditure.

As was noted in every preceding article, the cardinal issue in recovery is;

“If the affected does not want to change, nothing will change.”

When an affected person seeks to change their physical and mental condition they may voluntarily request help. Some affected are persuaded to seek treatment by family, the courts or the Doctor who is treating associated symptoms. For whatever the reason or circumstance, when a person arrives in treatment, the ride, the journey, the experience will be unique. Everyone in this world is different and treatment for every alcoholic/addict must be different, custom made to fit the individual’s sick mind.

Alcoholism is a fatal disease; alcohol poisoning or detoxification (withdrawal) can be fatal. Detoxification outside of a medical center must be closely monitored and if the affected should experience physical difficulties a plan should be in place to seek immediate medical assistance. Even better, seek a medical evaluation before the drying out process is started.

Alcoholism is a family disease. When an affected alcoholic/addict decides to stop drinking or drugging the family needs to be involved in the development of a recovery program. In many cases the family may have to revise their own program of living because they too will need to adapt to living a different lifestyle.

Honesty, Open minded, and Willingness, are HOW it works.

Getting an alcoholic to be honest is often a difficult, long and tedious process.

The family can help the therapist by providing their perspective of the alcoholic’s behaviors.

Open minded acceptance of the truths that will be exposed during early recovery will be required

of both the alcoholic/addict and those they affected.

History can be an ugly enemy of the sick.

There are many people who could be rich if they had one dollar for every time they said,

“I can’t believe you did that.”

The addict/alcoholic will never be rich because he spent all the families’ money on drugs, alcohol,

lawyers, auto repairs, fines, rehabs, etc, and he will believe he did whatever you said he did,

because he can’t remember.

It is a miracle.

When the recovered no longer have the physical compulsion to drink or drug and the mental obsession to drink or drug has been lifted, it is the first small miracle in the recovery journey.

(The first two stages of the six stage model of recovery.)

When the brain of the affected begins to work again, the need for change is put into a new plan for daily living. A program for living is developed, one that does without the excuses, the need to stuff feelings, and other bad habits that were a part of the addictive lifestyle.

The wreckage of the past is identified and responsibly disposed of by making a list of negative feelings and moral lapses and sharing them with another person and with a newly found Higher Power.

(The third stage of the six stage model of recovery.)

As the recovering alcoholic/addict enters the middle recovery stage they make amends

for past indiscretions and develop a normal balanced lifestyle.

Attendance at many meetings or therapy or both and having a sponsor are strongly suggested.

Change is still an integral part of the drunk’s lives as good new habits are slowly developed.

(The fourth stage of the recovery model.)

The late recovery stage is identified by the work that is done to identify family of origin issues and inner child perceptions that contributed to the denial system of the alcoholic/addict. In this article there was also a short discussion of partial recovery. Not included in the body of this work are abandonment issues that are common, real and/or perceived, in the lives of many addicts/alcoholics. There are many studies and more than a few books which cover this issue and this outline could not do justice to the implications that abandonment has on the psyche of the addictive personality.

Professional help is highly recommended for the individual with strong abandonment issues.

(The fifth stage of the six stage model of recovery.)

The final stage of the six stage model of recovery is the Maintenance Stage.

At this point in recovery the life of the recovered person is not focused on the work of establishing a new lifestyle but rather it is on the enjoyment that the new lifestyle offers. The outline for daily living has been replaced with good habits that are no longer work but are a joy to experience.

There are friends at meetings who care about their well being.

The addict/alcoholic no longer drives like Mario Andretti, flipping birds, cutting people off, or being a menace to society. They no longer have to think about not going to liquor stores, the beer aisle in the

grocery store, bars, clubs and old neighborhoods, they just don’t go there.

Prayer and meditation are a routine, not a place to hide during emergencies.

Most have learned that if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

They learn that constructive criticism can lead to wonderful changes in attitudes.

They have established methods to monitor for relapse warning signs, to cope with stuck points in recovery and to continue to grow and develop in all areas of life.

Spiritual retreats, AA conventions and conferences and any number of learning experiences are used for enjoyment as well as to provide benefits for developing a better lifestyle.

The alcoholic/addict who has reached this stage of recovery knows

that a Higher Power has given them the chance, and they have made the choice, to live life

"one day at a time",        and to be of good service to self, others and their Higher Power.

If you don’t pick up the first drink, you will not get drunk.

Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

Michael_e

Recovery...as this drunk sees it #11

It now has been a few years without a drink or drug but the work is still not complete.

To recap the progress made to date;

a problem was recognized,

a conscious effort was made to seek help,

and one day at a time

there has been no drinking or drugging. 

A program was developed in therapy and/or borrowed from AA or some other treatment program to change the old habits into a new lifestyle that does not include drinking or drugging.

The program also teaches responsibility and accountability and the alcoholic/addict returns to being a productive member of the family and the community.

Grandiosity has been replaced by humility and the drunk understands that a power greater than himself was responsible for the drunk finding recovery.

Those who chose the twelve step program of AA have successfully completed all of the steps; some may have done so more than once.

With the first four stages of the recovery model completed we are now ready to explore the remaining two steps, the late recovery stage and the maintenance stage.

The late recovery stage is a time for developing awareness of and overcoming obstacles to healthy living that developed in early childhood, long before the first drink or drug was ever taken. My readings, my trainings and my first hand experience have lead me to believe that the brain of the addict alcoholic is not normal. Many of the brain receptors in the alcoholic brain are reversed, what else would explain why a person would ingest poison and claim to enjoy it.

There are a few abnormal characteristics, that when they appear in children, tend to indicate that the individual is predisposed to addiction/alcoholism.

            1). Demonstrative mood swings that are not related to the environmental  stimulus’s. At the
                              birthday party they are sad and depressed, while at Granddad’s funeral they are
                              laughing, joking, loud and obnoxious
            2). Addictive personalities have tempertantrums; demonstrate rage and uncontrolled anger
                              even when they get what they want.
            3). The child appears to be unaware of consequences. They do irrational things  without fear 

                             of reprisal.          

            4). The child is self centered and shows no empathy for others needs

                        or feelings. They demand complete control and do not play well

                        with others. They must always be the leader and the games are

                        played by their rules. When they are losing, the game is over.

            5). Children with addictive personalities tend to consume or want to

                        consume large quantities of sugar.

            6). Children with addictive personality disorders tend to lie for no

                        apparent reason.

            7). The child has no fear or their fears are exaggerated phobias caused

                         by no apparent or logical reason. Trying to educate them to see

                         the unreasonableness of their behaviors is nearly impossible.

                         They may eventually grow out of this stage of their life, or they

                         become better at hiding unnatural behaviors.

            8). Obsessive/compulsive behaviors are evident early in the child’s

                        development. Good, bad or indifferent, the child repeats certain

                         actions or activities over and over, with no apparent reason to do so.

            9). The addictive/alcoholic personality is predisposed to misconceptions and misperceptions.

                        They hear want they want to hear and they believe what they thought they heard     

The latter characteristic is the one that is usually the last hurdle to be recognized
and changed by the alcoholic.

Recovery for the addictive personality is closely related to the ability to deal with and dispense of childhood misperceptions and misconceptions. The misperceptions of childhood, many of which are lying deep in the subliminal depths of the brain, are often suppressed by fear and anxiety. There is often emotional pain involved with recall of emotional childhood memories. Many addictive personalities are advised to seek professional help before they just dive into the emotional cesspool of the addictive mind.

The fun in dys”fun”ctional was put there by the drunk.

Whether the family was functional or dysfunctional is sometimes clouded by the misperceptions of the addictive/ alcoholic mind, the alcoholic mind that tends to reverse circumstances to suit their own agenda.

It is always easy for the alcoholic to blame someone else for their emotional shortcomings.

Justifiable anger, extreme guilt and shame, blaming self for marital difficulties of the parents, feeling
guilt about the death of family, friends or pets, misunderstanding of sexual roles, are but a few of the childhood misconceptions harbored in the subconscious of the addictive brain.

During the drinking career these subliminal, misunderstood feelings, were a reason to drink.
Left unresolved or put into proper context these feelings may drive the alcoholic to drink again, even after many years of abstinence.           

The analogy that may help one to understand how this works is to compare a inappropriate feeling (guilt, shame anger, fear) to a wound on the skin of ones arm.

Eventually a scab will form on the wound to signifying that healing has begun.
The alcoholic can not leave well enough alone, they must constantly pick at the scab.
This constant picking causes the pain and bleeding to continue, forever and forever.
This analogy works for events and feelings that are obvious to everyone, even the alcoholic.
To continue the analogy, the deep seated emotional pains in the deepest, subliminal part of the mind are compared to a cancer that eats away at the soul.
There is no visible wound, there is no scab; there is only invisible deep rooted pain and suffering.

The inner child, the soul searching, the healing of the ego and the id are very, very complicated.
The complication is in the warped mind of the affected.

The myriad of questions to be asked include;

             Did it or did it not happen?

            Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

            Am I minimizing the account of this event?

            Is that what they truly meant?

            Is that what I really wanted?

            Could anything have been done differently?

            Did they or I know any better?

            Who was under the influence of what when this occurred?

           

The questions go on and on but the answers are rarely complete or to be proved. The proverbial
onion is peeled away exposing the inner core of the soul. The only recourse is to continue to ask
the questions, re-live the incidents and resolve to put closure on the feelings that disrupt the serenity
and the mental well being of the affected.

The real answer always becomes: it was God’s will for us and we must be stronger for having survived.

To dwell in the cesspool of negative feelings, guilt, blame and shame is a choice, just as it is a

conscious decision to live in the present and enjoy a life that is happy, joyous and free. 
A life that is guaranteed to the recovering individual who turns their will and their life over to
the Higher Power of their understanding.

A loving God who protects us all.

Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

Michael_e

Recovery...as this drunk sees it #10

One model of recovery that follows the development of a typical recovering

addict/ alcoholic is divided into six stages

or steps in the recovery process.

It must again be stressed that recovery is a
process, not an event that can be documented,
and the process is ongoing for the remainder
of the alcoholic’s life.

Recovery is a process of growth, learning how
to live without mood altering substances, and
can be measured by the completion of certain
life tasks.

As recovery unfolds and progresses the recovery task to be met by the affected will change

according to the needs of their every day life.

The preceding articles in this series covered the first three stages in the developmental model
of recovery. The pre treatment, stabilization and early recovery stages were discussed in enough
detail to hopefully allow the reader to understand the basics of the very difficult and complex
subject, which is recovery.

If the first three stages of recovery have been completed by the alcoholic/addict

with some degree of success being noted, the recovered person will have reached
the middle recovery stage.

(Special note: the affected individual is the only one who can and must admit that they
have a problem, you cannot lable anyone as an alcoholic/addict, no matter how right
you think you are.)

There is no time frame for the stages to be completed or arrived at.

Some recovering people will complete the first three stages within a month or a year,
others may take a lifetime.

The middle recovery stage is reached when the new lifestyle becomes balanced.

Promises are made and kept.

The affected now understands that they are responsible for their actions, thoughts and feelings.

The repairing of the damage to self and others is being worked upon.. 

Recovery at this stage is still not always made in a constant forward motion or in forward progress.

There are times when life events are still able to make the alcoholic revert to old behaviors.

Hopefully, two steps forward and only one step back, will eventually get the alcoholic to
the last two stages.

The alcoholic, who is using the twelve step program, after any step, may run into an emotional
road block that will prevent further progress to be made in their recovery journey. They may give
lip service to the step they are working, but within their heart and soul they are harboring reservations
that will halt progress.

Clinically the term “Partial Recovery” is used for the addict/alcoholic who fails to complete the
recovery process.

Although this event, partial recovery, can happen during the first three stages of the recovery model,
it is much more prevalent and easier to diagnose in the middle stage of recovery.
Most common during the first three stages, the alcoholic will relapse because they are addicted,
physically and mentally, and drinking is the most natural thing to do.
In the midle stage of recovery, emotional relapses are much more common reason for the drunk
to drink, the abuser to use.

Some old habits are harder to break than others.

Partial recovery is usually precipitated by a recovery task that seems impossible. To many alcoholics
who use the AA twelve steps, step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves,”
is a task that brings instant fear and trepidation to the drunk/abuser.

The writers of the steps compared the moral inventory to a business inventory in that it is to be a
fact-finding, fact-facing, and a truthful look at the character of the alcoholic/addict. Just as the business inventory is to identify damaged goods that need to be discarded, the moral inventory is used to
identify a flawed thinking process that leads to resentment, fear, guilt and remorse. The same flawed
thinking that justified the drinking habits. In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the anonymous author
goes into specific details as to why the flawed thinking must be corrected if the alcoholic is to recover.
Also included in the chapter “How It Works”, is an outline to guide the recovered person in doing
this step. Simple and precise, completed with the aid of a sponsor, the completion of the fourth step
is vital if the recovering person wishes to proceed to the middle recovery stage. In subsequent writings
from one of the founders of AA, "As Bill Sees It" more details are available to assist the recovering
alcoholic to clear the wreckage of their past.

Denial is another problem that can be a cause of partial recovery. Denial blocks awareness that
something may be wrong with the thinking or actions of the alcoholic. Denial, fear, and procrastination
cause stress. Stress may trigger or intensify Post Acute Withdrawal Symptom in the recovering alcoholic/addict.

The symptom is an unusually strong craving to drink, or use drugs, that appears suddenly and
without obvious provocation.

The cause is a brain dysfunction caused by alcohol poisoning and drug abuse.

This brain dysfunction has been documented in 75% to90% of tested alcoholics.

Normally, PAWS is most common within the first weeks of recovery, however, 

studies indicate that it usually takes 6 to 24 months for the nervous system damage to heal.

Complete healing is not a guarantee.

Many addicts/alcoholics have damaged their brain to the extent that permanent damage is obvious
by memory loss, impaired reasoning ability and/or the ability to learn new concepts.

“Wet Brain,” is a term used to describe those alcoholics who have damaged their brain to a point
where they can no longer function in society and must be institutionalized for the remainder of their
lives.

Healing can only be accomplished with the assistance of a healthy recovery program
.

One drink or drug reverses the healing process immediately. 

Even Doctor prescribed medications can cause serious reversals in the recovery process and the pharmacology for the dual diagnosed is a area of study that is in constant review.

When the recovered person becomes consciously aware of the pain caused by stress, loss of
control and fear, they are usually able to reactivate their recovery program and progress towards
stable recovery is once again commenced.

Progress is usually made to an emotional place where the suffering again hit the "stuck point"
and unless there is a decisive and willing change in thinking the relapse cycle could repeat over
and over again.

Because the disease of alcoholism is progressive the relapses always become worse as they occur.

The drunk/addict needs more and more to achieve the same affects. The amount of time to recover
becomes longer and longer.

The saying among the recovered in AA is:

 “We know that there is always another drunk in us,

but we cannot ever be sure that we have another recovery in us.” 

Middle recovery is also identifiable by the fact that the recovering person is now focused

on normal life issues rather than focusing on not drinking or using drugs.

Most importantly, middle recovery includes growing in spirituality and finding a meaning

and purpose for living.

The road to recovery is still not paved over and smoothed out.

There are many potholes remaining in the recovery road that may cause relapses.

The late recovery stage of the recovery model will explore those issues that lurk in the deepest
part of the mind and soul of every recovering alcoholic/addict.

Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

Michael_e

Recovery...as this drunk sees it #9

The most controversial aspect of the recovery program

of Alcoholics Anonymous is the spiritual aspect

that is proposed by most recovered and/or cured

alcoholics and addicts.

As a proponent of the AA twelve step programs,

in this chapter, I will rely on the twelve steps of AA

and use them as a guideline and as a basis for understanding

how a spiritual program is essential to continued sobriety.

The AA preface says that AA has no affiliation with any
sect, denomination or institution, and neither endorses
or opposes any causes.

There is no cult, AA is not a religion, and the concepts of Christians, Muslims, Jews,
Hindus, and every other (200+) religion in the world are compatible with the twelve steps
of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The only requirement is that the drunk understands that there is a power greater than the ego

of any individual, especially his.

The only requirement to join AA is a desire to stop drinking.

The only requirements to remain a member of AA are don’t drink,

go to meetings and help another alcoholic achieve sobriety.

A relapse does not negate membership in AA.

Upon relapse it is suggested that an alcoholic go to a meeting as soon as possible,

same day, next day, drunk or sober, go to a meeting, ask for help and accept suggestions.

All of the twelve steps are but a suggested program of recovery.

The following is a general purpose explanation of the steps:

Step One: Starting a new relationship with ones inner self by acknowledging powerlessness and human limitations.

Steps Two and Three: Establishing a new relationship with a God of ones understanding,

based upon belief, trust and surrender rather than upon disbelief, denial and the need to control.

Steps Four and Five: Focus on self. The alcoholic/addict is seeking self realization by calling for honesty and humility rather than dishonesty and grandiosity.

Steps Six and Seven: Asking a Higher Power, or something outside of self, to remove

the defects of character and moral deficiencies.

Steps Eight and Nine: The alcoholic/addict admits a willingness to return to the human circle and continues to heal emotionally by making restitution to those they had harmed by their addictive behaviors and actions. In AA terminology, they are beginning to clear the wreckage of the past.

Step Ten: This step suggests an ongoing daily emotional and moral inventory to gauge the spiritual foundation of the recovering person.

Step Eleven: This step suggest that the alcoholic/addict maintain a conscious contact with their

Higher Power through prayer and meditation.

Step Twelve: This step is the foundation of AA, one alcoholic helping another, carrying the message not only by word, but also by action. Actions that show the benefits of living a good moral and spiritual life gained by practicing all of the steps in their daily lives and not drinking,

one day at a time.

It can never be said enough times that the drunk/addict is a very selfish and self centered person.

It is all about him or her.

The drunk believes that he is God, and that he is always right, and their needs are the most important.

If that attitude of grandiosity does not fly and it does not allow them the resources required to enable
their addiction, the addict can turn his Mr. Hyde into his Dr. Jekyll (the women call her Sybil)
and they learn to sing any tune that you may wish to hear.

Self pity is an alcoholic specialty.

The twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are used to have the addict/alcoholic reduce their ego,

minimize their emotional self will and grow into a mature individual who is capable of having a civil relationship with themselves, others and their Higher Power.

Alcoholics Anonymous is not just learning how to stop drinking alcoholically; it is about learning how to live without the drink. The idea that an alcoholic can learn to become a social drinker must be smashed.

For the alcoholic the first drink is one too many.

A sponsor is needed to guide an alcoholic through the steps. Sponsors do not demand or give orders, they make suggestions that the work required to do the steps is begun and continues to be reviewed as necessary.

The book “Alcoholics Anonymous”, commonly referred to by AA members as the “Big Book” gives guidelines as to how the steps should be worked.

The first suggestion is that the steps be worked in the order in which they are written.

Many a relapse has bee caused by the emotional trauma caused by an alcoholic in early recovery who immediately jumps down to step Nine and tries to make amends to everyone they believe they have harmed. The word amends means to change.

The alcoholic should not use the words “I’m Sorry,” to make amends, he or she must change their behaviors and prove that their intentions are to make right what was wronged before they can approach those they have harmed.

Amends will be made in God’s time, when the addict/alcoholic can prove that they are remorseful, that they have changed their attitude, no longer use the old habits of lying, cheating , stealing, and that they truly mean, from the heart, what they say.

(Check to make sure the drunk does not have his fingers crossed.)

Alcohol and drugs ruin the heart and soul of the individual and it takes time to heal the heart,

relocate the soul and learn to have the courage to put both in front of others.

Without a heart and a soul you cannot show remorse, you cannot change and you cannot be of service

to self, others and a Higher Power, and you will not find any spirituality.

Spiritual is a word that means something different to every person in this world.

There are no barometers, no thermometers, no blood test, and no Rorschach test that can measure someone’s spirituality. You either believe you have it or you don’t. Most people who have spirituality

are usually not aware of when they became spiritual or how they became spiritual.

Becoming spiritual just happens when you do not drink, drug or use any mind altering substances

and you practice tolerance, patience, kindness and love.

When everyone in the world becomes spiritual, we will know world peace.

The alcoholic who attends AA meetings will eventually learn to keep a spiritual tool box.

The tool box is filled with those things that can keep the drunk away from a drink and can help him/her to survive the emotional traumas of daily living.

            1.) Go to meetings.

            2.) Have a sponsor.

            3.) Work the steps. (Most important are steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve.)

                   Step one is the only step that can be worked to perfection and it must be used every day,

                    I am powerless.

4.) Have telephone numbers. (Your sponsor may not be available,

keep calling until you talk to someone.)

            5.) Literature. (Big Book, AA approved literature, daily devotionals, etc.)

            6.) Help another alcoholic.

            7.) Prayer and Meditation.

            8.) Laughter, music, journaling, hobbies.

            9.) Proper diet, exercise and rest.

            10.) Service work. (AA meetings need some help to stay in existence.)

            11.) Make a daily gratitude list.

            12.) Learn to practice what you preach. Faith without action is dead.

It may seem daunting, but properly balanced the alcoholic can learn to do what is necessary in a few hours

a day. The addict/alcoholic must remember how much time was spent procuring the drink or the drug, how much time was spent using the drink and the drug, and how much time was lost while under the influence, when the heart and soul were out of commission and compared to the time spent in recovery, most recovered or cured will tell you that they are grateful for all the extra time that they now have in their day to enjoy living.

AA is about teaching the drunk how to live and love with the extra time that has been given to them by their Higher Power.

Spirituality and responsibility go hand in hand for the recovered addictive personality.

The alcoholic is responsible that anywhere, anytime, an alcoholic ask for help,

the hand of AA must always be there.

The recovered must let God work his miracles through their hearts and souls, they must learn to spread

unconditional love and kindness to everyone, and for that they will receive their own spirituality.

Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

Michael_e 

Recovery...as this drunk sees it #8

The alcoholic has ask for help,

successfully completed a short treatment stay,

has learned about the disease of alcoholism,

identified old behaviors,

has developed a program to live by,

and is now finds himself alone, left to his own devices

It is quite unfortunate that very few alcoholics who enter treatment are fortunate enough to
attend an extended care facility.

The longer in treatment, the better the chances are for the alcoholic/addict to begin a recovery
program that will last.

An analogy that can used to demonstrate this situation is the alcoholic, with barely enough
knowledge to be dangerous, finds himself alone, adrift in the sea of life.
At this point the question is what does the alcoholic have to hold on to keep him afloat.
Did the rehab give him any swimming lessons?
Did the rehab give him a stick or twig to hold on to?
If the alcoholic was listening, he may have been given a raft or a dinghy to sit upon.
The ultimate goal of course is for everyone to have a luxury yacht, capable of sailing the oceans of life
in comfort and with the knowledge that the ship can weather even the strongest of emotional storms,
without the need to fall back on the use of alcohol and drugs to drown their feelings. Recovered or
cured alcoholics will tell you that it took many scary moments and much time until their ship could
find the haven of safe docking in a snug harbor.

It must also be remembered that alcoholism is a fatal disease and many are lost at sea
without ever having learned that there was hope of recovery.

Many are able to see a faith glimmer of hope from the lighthouse, but the noise of the storm,
(the mental compulsion of the disease that clouds the thinking), prevents them from hearing
the bell of the safety buoy, and the height of the waves, (the physical obsession of the disease
that produces a craving that cannot be denied), prevents them from seeing the life line
that has been thrown in front of them.

Hopefully they will not have died in vain and that their story may help others who may seek help.

Weathering the emotional storms of life is what normal, sane people do and it is the goal of
every addicted person to learn how to emotionally grow to the point where life can be lived
on life’s terms, or more importantly, learning to live life on God's terms (Acceptance),
just like normal people do.

Life is a two person vessel that is sailed with a soul mate.

The disease of alcoholism wants the alcoholic to be alone, isolate, push away anyone
who loves them and to kill themselves.

Many an alcoholic identifies with the feeling of loneliness, having been in a crowded bar, a crowded reception and feeling that they were totally alone and unwanted. The alcoholic rarely feels the love
of others and cannot show true love towards others. I will love you only if you bring me another drink,
or if you stop complaining about my drinking.

Loneliness does not know love.

Left alone, the alcoholic will die.

However, before an alcoholic can find a soul mate the alcoholic must first learn to love themselves.
In the rooms of AA the credo is that the recovered will love the alcoholic, until they learn to love
themselves. Self esteem has been ruined by drinking and drugging and recovery begins with the
return of self esteem. The paradox is that the ego must be smashed before self can be identified.
It takes much introspective soul searching and a great amount of validation from another individual
before an alcoholic can determine if he is coming or going in the direction of sanity.
The moral compass of the alcoholic has been lost, abused and misused and to restore the compass
to working order often requires additional professional guidance or therapy.

To continue the analogy, the drunk has been adrift on the sea of life, going in small circles,
with a compass that is defective, with no safe port in sight and the only probable destinations are jails, institutions or death
.

Teacher, preacher, priest, therapist, sponsor, medicine man or any other person must be attached
at the hip if the alcoholic wants to survive early recovery. There is a daily need to validate the
alcoholics program of abstinence and emotional growth. The alcoholic must maintain a constant
vigil to assure that old habits and behaviors are not revisited.

In AA the term “stinking thinking” is used to refer to those selfish, self centered, egotistical
and arrogant thoughts that once supported the alcoholic’s justifications for drinking alcoholically.
When the stinking thinking returns, the alcoholic/addict is usually the last to know.

Remember, drinking alcoholically is not how often a person drank or how much a person consumed;
it is the act of a person drinking enough to change their emotional and moral behaviors. If one drink
made her want to dance on the table top and to takeoff all of her clothes, she was drinking alcoholically.
If it took two drinks to turn Dr, Jekyll into Mr. Hyde, and he only drank during a full moon, he was
drinking alcoholically. The notion that an alcoholic refers only to the person who lives under the bridge
and drinks cheap wine from a paper bag covered bottle is a total misperception. From Yale to jail,
from penthouse to outhouse, alcoholics will show up everywhere as a part of the estimated ten percent
of the worlds population that are predisposed to alcoholism and addiction.

As uncomfortable as it is, the alcoholic must learn to express feelings in a sane manner. Sharing these
feelings with another human being validates the alcoholic’s right to have feelings and that it is healthy
for them to have them expressed. Feelings that are stuffed inside, pent up, and not expressed will give
cause for the alcoholic to relapse.

If the individual thinks every day, they need to go to a meeting every day
.
A some point the program of recovery is no longer about drinking and drugging, it becomes a program
for living. Drinking and drugging are but symptoms of the disease. The cause or the result of the disease
is an emotional breakdown and/or a moral travisty that can be cured.

People who recover from addictive emotional behaviors consider themselves miracles and miracles
must be witnessed to be validated.

It takes two to tango.

When the addict/alcoholic is restored to sanity, and they have learned to love themselves,
their soul mate will appear. It may be a spouse or a former relationship that will bloom anew
in the realm of a sane world, or there may be a need to move on and find a new "healthy" person
who knows the love and happiness of sharing a miracle.

A healthy relationship requires two healthy people.

Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

Michael_E

Recovery...as this drunk sees it #7

The recovering and the cured need a program.

There are many suggested programs of recovery

and the best are the ones that all cover all of the

changes needed to have the alcoholic/addict start

a new life style that promotes complete abstinence.

During this phase of recovery the addict/alcoholic

 must be honest and diligent to cover all the physical,

emotional and spiritual components of becoming a

positive person.

Secrets kept because of the guilt and shame that would

be caused should the truth be known will make the

drunk drink again and will make the addict use again.

The first requirement of a program for a recovered life is to establish goals.

Goals need to be simple and attainable. The first suggestion is to not take one drink, one day at a time.

The next suggestion is to start writing. A written list of goals is necessary to help the addict alcoholic
establish a program of living that is substance free. The list must be extensive and include as much
detail as is possible. Items on the list must include the new daily routine the recovering person must
follow as well as future items. The future items may include items that may become an integral part
of the recovered persons daily life or may just be a once in a lifetime objective. An example of a
once in a lifetime objective is to dance sober at the wedding of someone near and dear to the
recovered person. Daily routine objectives and goals include eating real food on a regular basis,
exercising, sleeping when appropriate, talking to family and friends, using the thousand pound
telephone when necessary to ask for guidance, attending scheduled therapy sessions, attending
self help group meetings, reading to learn and for relaxation, and setting aside time for prayer and
meditation.
The reason they are in writing is multi faceted.
First is the daily morning review to set the day off in the right direction.
Next is to have in writing a list that can be shared with another person to enhance truthful realism
and accountability of the intended actions of the recovering person, and reestablish trust
with the person they are reviewing the list with.
Spouses and children need to know of the goals list and should not be excluded from seeing the list.
The obvious exception to showing the list to a spouse or partner  would be if the other person is
still actively drinking or drugging and the goals list includes leaving that person for a safer environment. Written list are also useful as a reward for the recovered person when at the end of the day they can
check off of the list those goals that have been reached.
The goals list should also be inclusive of every hour of the day.
Idle time for a drunk is a time for the drunk to drink.

Most normal people do not become bored.

Normal people have an ability to amuse themselves during any given moment. The drunk and the
addict cannot amuse themselves by introspection because they are not happy with themselves. Guilt
and shame, fear and anger, confuse their thinking and make it painful to think, let alone to even exist.

Boredom is almost exclusive to the addictive personality.

They do not like whom they are, they wish they were someone else, they do not like where they are,
and they wish they would be someplace else. They cannot face the reality of being happy with who
they are and where they are. The drunk and the addict use the word bored to seek instant gratification,
avoid reality and hide their feelings with drugs and alcohol. They will do anything to take the focus off
their feelings, and usually find someone else to blame for their problem. A good drunken argument or
a fight is always a good answer to boredom.

Leaving town on a spree or in a blackout is a good way to hide from reality. A daily routine that is
rewarding is the best start for a cure for boredom and the beginning of the rebuilding of the drunks self esteem. Many times the guilt and shame and the other negative feelings harbored by the drunk cannot
be erased during a brief stay in a treatment center. The ongoing changes needed to cure the drunk may
take the remainder of the drunk’s life to achieve. The happiest cured drunks, with 30 plus years of
sobriety,still work a daily program and attend AA meetings on a regular basis. The cured alcoholic
knows that boredom and complacency are contradictive to sobriety and a happy, joyous and free life.
To the cured alcoholic those negative feelings and false sense of security mean that it is time to go to a meeting and find another alcoholic to help.

There should be flexibility in the daily routine and there should be no incriminations for goals not
achieved, as long as there was an attempt to make progress. The proper positive attitude looks
at failure as nothing but a challenge to find a better way. Failure to reach a goal is for the
alcoholic/addict with a negative attitude an excuse to drink or drug.

The alcoholic does not need an excuse to drink. The alcoholic drinks because he has to.

Excuses are just stories which are fabricated to veil the real problem of the alcoholic. 
The addiction, the compulsion, and the obsession to drink are removed from the alcoholic when
they begin their program of recovery and stick to it for a period of time. Every person is different
and the time span varies for everyone to achieve the relief of the addictive thoughts. Drunken dreams,
or nightmares, are common in early sobriety. When these events occur it is necessary for the alcoholic
to discuss them with their therapist or sponsor immediately.

The most important thing to note is that change for a recovering alcoholic is not a once and done
event. Change is a daily requirement and is a process that must be monitored closely.
A good program of recovery requires a constant daily review (an AA 10th step) to prevent a
possible relapse by the alcoholic. A change in attitude and routine may also be required of the
 family to support the program of the recovering alcoholic. If the communications among family
members is not capable of fostering healthy changes, counseling for the entire family is strongly recommended. 

Good habits support good sobriety.

Michael_e