Recovery...as this drunk sees it #6

 

Get help or else. (Change)

It is necessary to understand that no one is going to do

anything to help cure the drunk, because there is no cure,

there is only recovery.

The therapist, the judge, the friend, the family or the
sponsor may suggest a change,

but only the drunk can make the change.

Cured is a state of being in the mind of the alcoholic/addict
that when the physical compulsion and the mental
obsession to drink and use has been lifted and they now understand how their recovery was manifested.
That understanding only comes when they realize who or
what gave them the courage and strength to change.

"We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we

could not do for ourselves."  BB    pp84

If the drunk is not willing to change, nothing will change.

Change, be it for the better or for the worse, just change, usually because anything is better than what
we were subjected to when the drunk was drinking, the addict was using.

Treatment and recovery usually means that we are trying to restore the alcoholic/addict to sanity.
Sometimes the restoration becomes lost in the fog of who is that person, really. Sometimes we
remember vividly who that person was; the smiling, confident, caring and loving child, spouse, sibling,
friend, co-worker, that we remember from when. Many times we wonder if there ever was any
sanity, the drunk has been drunk for so long that all we remember is the misery and torment of
broken promises and broken dreams.

At this point in his/her recovery the list of bad habits, the defects of character have been made and
the alcoholic/addict has said they are willing to change those bad habits and questionable
characteristics to resemble sane behaviors.

Stopping the drinking and drugging is not the only goal of recovery. Many a person has stopped
drinking and drugging on their own. Without changing their emotional make up those people are
just miserable dry drunks who no longer drink or drug. Their behaviors remain just as destructive
to the family structure as were the drunken sprees.

The change that a treatment program seeks is the maturation of an immature ego that has been
stunted in its growth by drugs and alcohol. Rather than face reality or learn from previous bad
experiences the addict/alcoholic who is in their active addiction use drugs and alcohol to numb
them into unmanageability and virtually ignore any feelings towards anything. The word
consequence means little or nothing to the addict/alcoholic. Many a drunk knows no fear and
they believe that they are invincible, bullet proof, above the law, beyond needing to comply with
rules and regulations.What else would explain why the drunk would drink and drive again, knowing
that if apprehended one more time they could face consequences that could include jail time,
the loss of a career, the loss of loved ones and  possible financial ruin for the family.

The functional alcoholic is capable of maintaining a career and routine responsibilities, however,
their capability to show emotions, feel guilt, shame or remorse, has been totally destroyed.
At some time during the progression of the disease of addiction and alcoholism the ability to
function at a level that can maintain a career or act responsibly is usually ruined. The inability
to have true feelings, other than anger or rage, is what leads the addict/alcoholic to destroy
relationships and eventually to a destroyed self image. The functional alcoholic/addict that
still has his material world under control but stubbornly refuses to examine the emotional
consequences of his bad habits is usually the most difficult of cases to enter the rehabilitation facilities.

 It is this emotional side of their recovery that is the most difficult to have the addict/alcoholic identify
and change. Early in treatment or recovery the alcoholic/addict will be flooded with feelings, some for
the first time in their lives, some for the first time in many years. This flood of emotions makes the addict/alcoholic very uncomfortable and vulnerable to relapse.  Fight or flight is often the most
immediate response by the client to avoid the sense of being overwhelmed by feelings. As noted
previously, the family of a person in treatment should be warned that the telephone call may be
forthcoming, “Get me out of here, these people are crazy, “with the motivation of the client being,
"I can’t stand having these feelings."

Those treatment centers that believe in a cure say that a changed self will is sufficient.

Those religious treatment centers believe that their God can cure anyone.

Those who are proponents of AA believe that a combination of physical, emotional and
spiritual changes will help a person achieve sobriety.

All theories work for some of the people some of the time.

Reality is that the success rate, the number of treated people who are restored to sanity,

among all forms of treatment is very low.

The best thinking of the drunk is not of the best.

Michael_e

Recovery...as this drunk sees it #2

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 Addictive disease contains
all FIVE conditions that are
required to qualify as a disease.

 1) PRIMARY: The disease is not a symptom
of another condition, and exists independently
 of other disease processes.

 2) CHRONIC: There is no cure. Abstinence
is necessary to stop the behavioral and physical
progression of the disease.

 3) PROGRESSIVE: Signs and symptoms
become more severe over time.

 4) PRONE TO RELAPSE: Once the disease
has progressed to the point where the symptoms
are obvious, it becomes abnormal for the individual
not to use.The individual must learn how to not use
and must have a preventive program in place to prevent relapse.

 5) POTENTIALLY FATAL: All addictive diseases can kill
either directly or indirectly.

 There are also TWO dominant characteristics of addiction.

 1) TOLERANCE: As the result of cellular adaptation at the neuron level
in the brain, it becomes necessary to have an increase in use to achieve
the same affect.

2) PHYSICAL DEPENDENCY: Progressively severe withdrawal symptoms
of which the most important are those which originate in the brain itself.
As an addictive disease progresses it is these characteristics, tolerance
and dependency, which motivate continued use rather than anything else
in the addict/alcoholics life.

 The above is a definition, alcoholics are individuals, therefore, every alcoholic
has his own diagnosis, his own time frame for the progression of the disease,
the different nuances of this and that, which they (the alcoholic) use to deny
that they have a problem.

Every alcoholic is a square peg trying to fit into a round hole,(or visa verse).

As regards the Chronic part of the definition, medication may help some, hypnosis may
help some, but once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic and the only sane way to survive
the disease is not to drink or drug, ever.

 Progression can be illustrated by noting that some teenagers begin way out of control
and are dead by the time they are twenty-one. Some addicts and alcoholics start out hard
and hardy and have a good long run before the problems catch up to them. Some start out
slowly and go many years, with few problems, until they reach a point where they are sick
and tired of being sick and tired. There are exceptions: the traffic accident victim who is
severely hurt and requires large doses of pain killers to survive and when they are healed,
they are hooked. Grandma and Grandpa retire, never drank, now they decide to have a toddy
to help them sleep; the kids finally catch on and send them to the rehab.

The Prone to Relapse part of the disease definition is a topic that will be discussed in a series
of separate blogs after more discussions about the bad behaviors of alcoholics. The only constant
is that all of the victims will deny that they have a problem.

 Alcoholism is the only disease that tells you that you do not have a disease.

The pain, the agony, the suffering and the misery are always caused by someone else.
Be sympathetic of the addict who is trying to quit drinking and drugging, but remember,
tough love may be the only sane way that you have to defend yourself from the alcoholic.
Please remember, they are sick people trying to get well, not bad people trying to become good.

The following is a link to one of the more highly recommended rehabilitation facilities on the east
coast of the United States.

http://www.fathermartinsashley.com

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Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

ME and the Boss

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Satisfaction

To pay the piper for the mindless actions,

the abuse of the body, and the torment of the soul,

caused by those wrongs we have done.

 Satisfaction is the payment of a penance

for the sins we commit.

 To the mind that thinks "it's all about me",

the mental hangover is the guilt and shame

caused by being selfish and self centered. 

To the body that abuses drugs, alcohol and food

the physical hangover is a warning  of pending doom.

 To the soul that must tolerate the mental and physical abuses, the hopelessness feels

like that of one who is adrift in the middle of an ocean on a raft with no sails or rudder.

 Forgive yourself and make the changes required to begin a better life.

  "It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. 
Since you must spend so much time with yourself 
you might as well get some satisfaction 
out of the relationship."   ~  Norman Vincent Peale

 Make restitution to others, one can not have committed mental and physical abuses

on ones self without hurting the family and friends who love us.

 Seek atonement from your Higher Power by doing the will of your Higher Power

from now and forever.

Your Higher Power has already forgiven you for all of your trespasses and your abuses.

Yesterday is history, what are you doing for yourself, others and your Higher Power , right now.

"There are some days when I think I'm going to die 
 from an overdose of satisfaction."                          ~ Salvador Dali

 Be kind, satisfaction being paid in advance. Be loving, satisfaction reciprocated.

 Be tolerant and patient, repayment of some abuses may take more than day or two.

 For those who cannot be satisfied by your efforts to do the next right thing, pray for them.

 Be the person your Higher Power wants you to be and know that satisfaction can also

be the fulfillment of a want or need.

 When you have peace of mind, improved health, and an ever increasing flow of spiritual energy,

you will have paid the piper.

Happiness is being satisfied.

Happiness is helping someone help themselves.

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ME and the Boss

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Buttons

. Button, button, who has the button ???

I remember the name of the game from

when we played it in elementary school,

but I can't remember the rules

or how one was a winner or loser.

However, these are not the buttons

that I am referring to in the title of this article.

What I would like to discuss are the emotional buttons that most people have,

at least those bodies that are conscious and alive.

As a drunk I loved my buttons, they were the excuses needed to get pissed off

and go stomping off to the bar where I knew there were people who understood me

and where button pushing was an art, a science, to be used and abused for the

entertainment of one and all.

Then I found the rooms of AA and two things were pointed out to me:

1.) An alcoholic does not need an excuse to drink. An alcoholic drinks because he has to,

his body, mind and soul are under the addictive influence of alcohol and the obsession

and compulsion to drink are causes which the alcoholic has no control over.

2.) The buttons are mine and how I react is my responsibility, my choice.

Good  button, Bad button.

The bad buttons are anger, jealousy, envy, grandiosity, know-it-all ism, and just

about every negative emotion that one can think of.

These buttons control the gate, the door, the curtain, the window dressing of who I really am.

My disease of alcholism wants me to isolate, be alone, push away anyone who loves me

and to ultimately kill myself.

The bad buttons are the best defense for hinding the me that I could no longer identify.

The good buttons are attitudes of kindness and unconditional love the people who

are in control of their emotions display all day, every day.

Good buttons establish boundries that keep one from being used and abused.

The good buttons generate compassion and forgiveness, no more need to hide,

no more need to lie, cheat and steal.

Today, do not push the buttons of the sick and suffering, be a good example

and show how a faith in a Higher Power can allow one to display only the healthy

buttons, can lead one on a pathway of sobriety that is happy, joyous and free.

Today, display your God button for all to see and know that the grace of the

Spirit of the Universe is how the alcoholic/addict achieves sobriety.

Happiness is a button (attitude) of gratitude.

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ME and the Boss

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"Living Above The Problem"

. "If we're going

to work with alcoholics,

we can't afford

to become

emotionally involved

in their problem,

or we lose all of our

possibility for help.

You've got to stay above the problem.

Now it seems like, maybe, that would be a cold attitude. It is not.

You have to love more to stay emotionally uninvolved in the problem

than you do to become involved in it.

The answer is not in the problem; the answer is in the answer.

I worked on my problem for ten years, and the more I looked at the problem

and the harder I worked on the problem, the greater the problem became.

It was just like fertilizing and watering and cultivating a weed.

It grew out of all proportions.

I think we have to be able to live above the problem to be of value

to those that have it. We don't get emotionally involved in the problem.

It's not that we love less; it's that we love more.

I think it takes much more love to release

than it does to hold onto." .

(Chuck C.)

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